Thursday. 26/09/2013
Just time to jot down a few thoughts before I crawl into bed.
Youth- 7 (5 boys, 2 girls)
Activity- Film night
Youth leaders- 3 (Paul Brownstone, 34, Adam Armstrong, 16, and myself, old)
The stated goal- Socialisation and group identity building through films which will re-enforce spiritual and moral points with a view to opening discussions.
The film- Anchor man
The unstated goal- To give the youth team an easy night once a month, with as little preparation as possible.
The result- A food fight which was closed with a prayer.
Lord, have mercy.
Nick Grimshaw, Gay??
Friday 27/09/2013
10:00 am
Writing this from my phone, on my coffee break.
Bleary eyed and with coffee in hand, I checked facebook this morning, before leaving to make tents. It's a compulsive habit with me now.
Rather shocked to see, through blurred vision and coffee steam, what was posted at a rather late hour on Adams account last night. Something involving female genitalia that I could not possibly begin to repeat here. Adam is one of our most promising youth. He really got zapped by God at 'Spiritual Survival' last summer. He approached me about being a leader after getting a prophetic word about his 'ministry'. Our pastor, Mike, wisely said we should put him on a probation, with heavy supervisory emphasis. Adams enthusiasm is equalled only by a certain immaturity. Lovely, lovely guy. Utterly driven by testosterone.
Why do they want to be 'friends' with me when they know they're going to post stuff like that? They have to know I will be reading it, surely?
Perhaps I am not the strict and respected authority figure that I hoped I'd be to them.
Oh no, I've become a friend. Pants. All is lost.
I have a child free weekend this week. January is staying at his friends for a sleepover and he asked if he could be let off this week. Seeing that I have all that preparation to finish, on discipline, I wasn't too worried. I told him it was fine.
I hope I didn't sound too pleased. I
love that boy.
YES. January! That is his name.
5:23 pm
He would be here by now. God, I miss him. Was I too hasty. I can always put the preparation in, once he is in bed. Why did I say yes?! No, it's good to keep a light hold on things. He's growing up fast and he has so few friends. Its a good thing when he wants to branch out, of his own volition. It was good to encourage it.
A word on January's name. His mum was a bit of a hippy. She chose it. He wasn't Born or conceived in January by the way. No, it came to her because that was the month in which she thought of his name. Seriously.
She was very crafty about the naming
thing. I am almost certain she planned it. We always planned to have
two kids and we agreed that we would take turns choosing a name. The
plan was that She would choose the first name of the first child and
I would choose the second name, then for the next one, we would swap
around and I would get to choose the first name.
We only had the one child.
His second name is Jeremiah. He goes by 'JJ'. I call him Jan, mostly. In hindsight, its a bit girly. But it didn't feel like that when he was a baby. And then it stuck. At least in my head, it did.
We only had the one child.
His second name is Jeremiah. He goes by 'JJ'. I call him Jan, mostly. In hindsight, its a bit girly. But it didn't feel like that when he was a baby. And then it stuck. At least in my head, it did.
6:00 pm
Adam just came on line. And chatted for 5 mins. He was reassuring in the extreme. I feel so stupid. He hadn't written that obscenity at all. It was a 'frape' (Facebook rape; The practice of hacking into someones facebook account to post false status updates, for humorous or malicious intent). This generation are rather liberal in their use of the word 'rape'. I once heard a year seven kid claim he'd been raped, when actually he was referring to the fact that the kid in front of him, took the last chocolate biscuit, while he was in the queue for coffee, after church).
I feel like such a git for not having had more faith in Adam. He is making such progress with the Lord.
Reflecting on last night, I think we can learn lessons on two points. One; Choose better films (not that Anchor Man isn't hilarious). Two; Crack down hard on any pop-corn throwing, the moment it starts. It should NOT be tolerated, least of all because Mr Morris (the Major), our caretaker, is a bit of an eagle eyed dictator and no matter how many bits of pop corn kernel I have extracted from the grate in the top of the radiator you can always be sure there will be at least one more. And he will have me for it, you can be sure.
In future, I need to get to the culprit faster and stamp on it before it escalates like that, again. Next time I will be watching Paul like a hawk.
11:46
Adam just commented on his frape post. He used one small pithy, though hardly eloquent, phrase. He wrote; **** off.
Saturday 28/09/2013
Spent the whole day, in between bouts on Netflix and facebook. trying to make sense of 'Invigor8's resource on discipline. Well, the whole day from about 11am (not counting lunch break). For a start they seem to supply about 15 introductory games per session, each requiring a months worth of newspaper clippings, a power point presentation (backed up with relevant clips and songs), with the equipment needed seemingly having to be sourced from thirty different places, some of which may as well have been from a small organic fair-trade co-operative in a village situated in the foothills of the Andes, a mere days donkey ride from the nearest small airport. The monetary value of which (which they term 'affordable') comes to the equivalent of about a months wages of a minor football player in the premiership.
The purpose for all of these games is stated as being Just for laughs.
I somehow think
that the resource that caters for today's modern volunteer youth
leader under pressure (And claims to simplify Youth work by doing
most the hard work for you) has lost its way a little.
Decided in the end to focus on the bible.
God disciplines
those he loves.
Sunday 29/09/2013
7:37 am
Woke up on my bed with that particular page in Hebrews, covered in my drool and stuck to my face.
I still haven’t decided which prayer action to include or which game to use for the session. I can always do that in the next few hours as church doesn’t start till Ten. The main thing is the bible. Although I don’t have a talk nailed yet, I feel I have soaked up the scripture. Actually some of the text has been printed onto my face where I rested on gods word. So literally soaked it up, too.
Now to
get a few things firmly down on paper.
Disaster.
At least, near disaster.
I
always get this thing, whenever I have something to do in a limited
amount of time. First, having plenty of warning, I vow that this time
will be different; that I will do the bulk of the preparation at an
early stage so as to avoid exactly the scenario I am about to
describe to you. Second, I attempt to look at the material, some
point early in the week, but give up after a very short space of time
because I still have days and days to prepare. I justify this by
saying that at least, somehow, I have soaked up some of the themes
and my subconscious will be working on them until I come to prepare
for real. Thirdly, I allow this 'plenty of time' excuse (feeling
self satisfied that I have, at least, started it) to take me up to,
usually, the day before. Forgetting, usually, that I have Jan on
Saturdays (which is normally the day before) and so, cannot
realistically do any preparation until the evening. By the time I've
seen Jan off to bed I am shattered. I sit down to prepare and, within
half an hour or so, start to fall asleep. Waking up at stupid o'clock
I panic and attempt to re-engage with the material. Shortly it
becomes apparent that my brain is beyond working and I would be
better off starting again in the morning. (I have a habit of waking
before 6, due to my tent making) as I will still have three hours or
so before church.
Now,
three hours with a functioning conscious brain, is more than enough
time to prepare the material but my brain can not be described as
functional before 8 and a bucket of coffee (nor can it be accurately
described as conscious). I start to wake up around 8-8:30, I have
half an hour or so of productivity and then the panic starts to kick
in. Once I start panicking I cannot concentrate for love nor money. I
simply cannot take it in, nor order my thoughts.
It is
usually at this point that I turn to serious prayer. Deep repentant,
begging prayers.
Now, aside from the absence of Jan, This is what happened this morning. Indeed the only thing that stuck in my head, was that 'The Lord disciplines those he loves' and, while that was reassuring, It wasn't going to get me very far.
Now, aside from the absence of Jan, This is what happened this morning. Indeed the only thing that stuck in my head, was that 'The Lord disciplines those he loves' and, while that was reassuring, It wasn't going to get me very far.
I
thought of the group. We usually have half a dozen or so. If everyone
turns out we may get between ten to twelve. But that hardly ever
happens. The Harper's are away, (family wedding) so that's two down
(Rachel and David) and Simeon has football. That leaves the group at
about three. Maybe four or five, If I was really unlucky. At least, I
consoled myself, there weren't going to be too many young people to
witness my humiliation. Again. Now, if I can bribe Hephzibah (Pastor Mikes daughter)to keep it on the down-low, I may just get away with this.
The
Harper's came home this morning and decided to come to church. I mean,
WHO does that!!? Not only did they come to church but they bought two
cousins back from the wedding. Simeon had an injury from a hockey
game and so was unable to play football. Evidently his Mum was
wielding the heavier of her axes this morning because he came along
to sulk in some corner or other. Looked very sorry for himself.
AND Josh was back from Uni (probably to get his washing done) and had brought his girlfriend with him (evidently she was running out of clean underwear too!).
In
total we had Thirteen. That's the highest number we've had for about
ten months. 'Thanks a lot, Lord', I thought, rather ungratefully. I
mean, obviously it's a real privilege to have them all but WHY, oh
WHY, today?
I
bumbled my way through a few games with them and then, the dreaded
moment came for my talk. On discipline. The irony is not lost on me.
It was
a shambles, in many ways but I anchored our discussions in the verse
that I read what now seems like an age away, last Wednesday.
Then
something almost magical happened. The holy spirit took over. Instead
of a talk on the need for being disciplined it became, in part, a
confession of my own weakness in this area and we started exploring
what it means that his love causes him to discipline us. And what
'discipline' means. Essentially he is teaching us and often this
doesn't mean he shields us from the consequences of our actions but,
rather he teaches us through facing them, my talk being the prime
example. We talked of how he loves us too much to simply leave us as
we are, that like the loving parent that he is he faces all aspects
of our lives with us
and shows us the way to go, if we, like the scripture says, are
willing to be trained by it. And that, I concluded, produces a
'harvest of righteousness' in our lives.
I know when God has spoken through me like this, because there is no way It could have been me. This week, more than most weeks.
I know when God has spoken through me like this, because there is no way It could have been me. This week, more than most weeks.
It was
good to see Josh again. I hope he's not partying too hard. We had a
talk about finding a church and getting established in a CU. I am
worried that he's not too motivated to do that, just yet. His
girlfriend seemed nice. Not sure if she is a believer or not. She
seemed to listen intently. The Harper cousins were good to have too.
Gregarious and confident, like the rest of the Harper's, they really
helped keep the discussion going. Thank you Lord. Please give me a
teachable spirit.
Forgot
to have a word with Adam.
Pants.
10:56 pm
10:56 pm
It's
not like he's particularly camp, is it? I mean, some extremely camp
people are straight. Some straight seeming people are extremely gay.
It's so hard to tell.
Monday 30/09/2013
Slow day today. Spending sometime today getting my prayer life back on track. After last weeks fiasco I need to make sure I am 'trained by it'.
Not that the two are at all related.
Though it
doesn't hurt to feel a
bit holier.
Tuesday
01/10/2012
Since turning 40, time seems to have its foot firmly on the gas. Its like 40 is the top of the hill and now the snowball is rolling down instead of up and I almost cant keep up with it. Its set to get worse, I am told. Cant believe its October, already. The month of my birth. Still, 41 doesn't feel like a big deal. I think I'm over worrying about my age now. That must be how it is, once you're forty.
Had a
nice PM (personal message), from Josh, on the book of the face. Said he
got a lot out of Sundays session and thanks for all the work I must
have put in. Also said he'd spoken to a mate about going to CU
together. PTL
Good time in prayer today. Felt I went a little beyond the list of requests I usually mechanically spew out. I even tried a bit of worship. Had some headphones on and sang along to some Redders on Spotify. 10,000 reasons. Bless the Lord, O my soul. Great stuff.
Perhaps he will simply graduate to Boy-George and then, later Man-George. Who's to say.
What if in later life he had a sex change?
Woman-George? Lady-boy-George?
He's just a baby. Stop it, Adrian. Stop it NOW!
3:00pm
Just a
quick entry before I dash off to See Pastor Mike (Or 'Pass the mic',
as Paul calls him).
I
think all will go well. Feeling pretty Holy today. Well, holyish.
I hope he doesn't ask about strategy or anything. He's a nice guy. I don't know why I am terrified of him. It seems like he just sees right through me. He's actually 2 years younger than me but I feel about seven when I meet with him like this. I must remember he has my best interests at heart. He is, in no way, trying to trip me up, or get me to confess my deepest sins. He is simply tying to support us. More later.
I hope he doesn't ask about strategy or anything. He's a nice guy. I don't know why I am terrified of him. It seems like he just sees right through me. He's actually 2 years younger than me but I feel about seven when I meet with him like this. I must remember he has my best interests at heart. He is, in no way, trying to trip me up, or get me to confess my deepest sins. He is simply tying to support us. More later.
I hope Hepzi kept her mouth shut. That Chocolate Orange should have done the trick.
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